What most people don’t know is ghosts can still smell. Now, the easiest way to get a ghost to stop haunting your lawn is to spray a perfume—the more pungent, unique, and new the better—all over the spooky fucker, thick as mosquito fog. They’ll snap right out of their time loop shit and move on. Kick rocks, you floaty dildo! Sometimes they get real sad though. They’re like, “Thank god I’m not really looking for my car in an Aldi’s parking lot. Christ. But…wait. What now?” In these cases, it’s okay to share your Funions and Tae Boe videos with them. Sometimes that and Roadhouse will give them new purpose. Of course, though. Who wouldn’t hear the call of the napalm tiger after that?