.W1Z Files

The day of battle was boss. My training in the woods was hard, shitty hard, but I’d honed everything I could. I was feeling like a flamethrower in a butter factory. Like I was going to melt this motherfucker down. I sent an evite to the battle to Janice and said sorry for writing “chode”… Read more: Derek the Shithead Wizard 4.w1z

From the records of Tad Grabell I first realized I was a blood wizard when I skinned my knee doing donuts in the trailer court on a 10-speed. When you’re a kid, you’re more likely to think something amazing is happening than you’re going crazy. Especially when the best thing going for you is fantasy.… Read more: Blood Wizard.w1z

Derek said if he had it his way, I wouldn’t be able to vote. I said that was a useless thing say because I can vote and nobody gives a shit what he would do if he was ruining the world. I also told him that him talking was worse air pollution than farts or… Read more: Derek the Shithead Wizard 3.w1z

I did a curse so Derek would get more dong emails than me. For I am Mandy, sparkle-death princess of no-fucks-given. Queen of the darkest shit, with a kick like a snakebite shotgun mounted on a coked up unicorn with fucking flames for a face. Janice flaked like a chode. I shoulda known, though. I… Read more: Derek the Shithead Wizard 2.w1z

Derek said he’s a wizard now.